Numb.

It was fairly late, but luckily my parents weren't home yet. I let the wind shut the front door as I wandered down the hallway in a haze. I went straight to the bathroom, mindlessly pulling the door behind me, my hand unconsciously twisting the lock like I had done so many times while home alone. I took a deep breath and looked in the mirror. My skin was a bit paler than usual, but other than that I looked the same as I always did. I watched as a look of pure disgust grew across my relfection's face. I should look different. I didn't understand. After all that just happened, why don't I look different? After all, I certainly felt different, but for some reason beyond my comprehension, my face didn't show it. At all.
This scared me. Had all that really happened? Was I imagining it? I smiled slightly as I contemplated the idea that it had all just been a bad dream. I immediately wished that I hadn't. My face in the mirror looked contorted, twisted into an unknown expression. My mouth curved up at the corners in a sad attempt at a smile, but my eyes showed something much different. My eyes were dark, cold, empty; evidence that I wasn't dreaming. It had all been real.
I shuddered, trying to tear my eyes away from the mirror. As a distraction, I quickly stripped my clothes, throwing them haphazardly into a pile on the floor, and turned on the shower faucet. I cranked it to the highest temperature, letting the steam fog the mirror, rapidly obscuring the image that had shown itself there just seconds before. Taking one last look at my blurred reflection, I stepped over the edge of the tub, moving myself to the spot directly beneath the steady stream of water.
The water was soothing at first, and I hoped that the warm pressure coming down on my shoulders would somehow relieve the pressure inside of me. I didn't. In fact, it had just the opposite effect. I moved half an inch forward and the water cascaded over my face. I closed my eyes, hoping to forget, but instead playing over ever seeminly insignificant detail of the day. The coolness of his face as he had spoken; the way his intensely green eyes had turned that sullen shade of gray as they stared past me, never quite meeting mine; even the way his hand had reached out, as if on its own accord, to lightly brush my cheek before he turned to walk away. I shuddered again.
This can't be happening, I thought, terrified. I turned my back to the stream of heat and crouched down to the floor of the tub, hugging my knees to my chest. The water beat down on my bare back as I stayed in my little ball, grasping my rib cage with both arms in order to hold myself together. I was hurt, devastated, but I refused to cry. No. Crying would make it all too real, and I couldn't yet accept that this was final. No, there was still hope. This was just a bad dream. I would have to wake up eventually, right?
I wasn't sure how much time had passed, but it must have been hours. The water beating against me was no longer warm, but it had turned ice cold. I stood, steadying myself carefully against the wall of the shower, and turned off the freezing water. My hand still on the faucet handle, I reached for the shower curtain, trying to hold back a shiver that had nothing to do with cold water. I carefully pulled open the translucent curtain and stepped onto the icy bathroom floor. It didn't bother me though. I was already numb, from the inside out.

Secrets in the Dark.

"We really shouldn't be here," she said breathlessly, trying to keep up with him. She looked around to see where he had led her, the dark, deserted playground, and her eyes lingered on the tiny red and white sign that read "Park Hours."
"The park closed at 10!" she laughed, looking at him.
He glanced at his watch. "Yeah, and it's only 12:30," he smiled back. Just getting her to sneak out had been hard enough, and now they were tresspassing. He knew he was stressing her out, but he had a little surprise in store that he knew she would enjoy. He walked over to her.
"Are you alright? We can leave if you want to, it's just so pretty here after dark. Look at the moonlight on the trees." As he spoke, he placed a strong hand on her back. The fire in his touch ignited her emotions, burning her up from the inside out. Sensing her thoughts, he brought his other hand gently to her waist and drew her in closer. As he pressed his lips to hers, she threw her arms around his neck, returning the kiss with the passionate desire that had been growing inside her. He pulled her even closer, their bodies hard against one another. Her hand wandered slowly up the back of his warm neck and into his hair. She let her fingers tangle themselves in his soft, curly locks.
As the kiss grew in intensity, he slowly guided her backwards until her back was pressed against the trunk of a large oak tree. He removed his hands from her waist and found hers. Fingers entwined, he moved her hands gently above her head, resting them on the trunk of the tree. She loved that he wasn't afraid to take control. Giving into the pleasure, she allowed him to mover even closer, pinning her between his body and the bark.
Suddenly, a rustle in the bushes.
"What was that?" she whispered between kisses. He ignored the question, continued kissing her. She heard it again, this time accompanied by a man's voice.
"Who's out there?" it bellowed.
Crap, she thought. He looked into her eyes one moment longer before grabbing her by the hand. Thinking the same thing, they silently sprinted towards the parking lot. He clumsily found his keys and unlocked the car doors, and they both jumped in, still completely breathless. Once in the car, he smiled at her.
"Now," he said with playful eyes, "wasn't that fun?"
"Yeah," she breathed, "something like that."

Chance Meeting.

It was hot, and the sun shown high in the cloudless, bright blue sky. Kestra walked silently across the new grass, her feet squishing down on its lush green blades. As she looked around herself, she found her mind wandering, getting lost in the beauty around her. It was peaceful, serene, she liked it. The suddenly, there he was. She could just make out his figure across the park, that strut of his that she knew so well. This was her chance. This was the moment she could turn and walk away. He hadn't seen her yet, so it wouldn't be difficult to just turn around, walk away, and blend in to the distant scenery. But she hesistated. Was this really what she wanted to do? Avoid his gaze, avoid the conflict? Or does she just continue forward as if she hadn't seen him, and leave the rest up to him. She played over the different scenarios in her head, imagining all the possible outcomes....
She continued forward confidently, avoiding his gaze at all costs. She stared intently at the horizon, memorizing every detail of the path in front of her, noticing the bush of beautiful pink roses that lingered on the edge of the path right before it turned out of sight. She had almost successfully made it past, when she heard his footsteps stop. Shoot, she thought, that can't be good. She quickened her pace, hoping that she was imagining things, and that he hadn't seen her, but soon she was not alone.
"Hey," he said breathlessly, trying to keep up with her speed-walking. He was significantly taller than she was, so it wasn't all that difficult to match her pace with his long legs. She kept her eyes straight head.
"I don't want to talk to you," she responded coldly.
"I know," he said quietly, "but I just thought-"
"I don't care what you thought, Matt," she cut him off, "I don't want to talk to you." She quickened her pace. He did the same.
"But why?" he questioned.
She couldn't contain herself anymore. "Because I can't!" she yelled, holding her eyes steady on the horizon. She stopped walking. He stopped as well, waiting for her to continue, until finally she turned to look at him. When there eyes met.....

She snapped out of her daydream. Well that's not going to work, she thought to herself. She knew that the second she looked into those eyes, all thoughts of anger would fly straight out of her head. She couldn't let that happen. Time for a different scenario. If I simply turn and walk away right now...
"Kestra?"
She jumped as she heard his voice. In all her daydreaming, she hadn't realized how close he'd gotten.
"Hey," she tried to fake a smile.
"It's been forever," he laughed as he gave her a big Matt-hug. She hated those, they only made her love him more.
There was silence for a moment. Just a moment ago there had been a million things running circles in her head, all the words that she wanted to say to him. Now, there was nothing. She looked into those hazel eyes, and there was nothing.
"Look..." she started.
Woah, we're halfway there, woah-oh, living on a prayer. It was her cell phone. She sighed heavily, reaching in her pocket to check out the caller id.
"It's alright," he said, "I gotta go anyways. It was nice seeing you, Kes." He gave her another hug, then continued on towards the parking lot.
Crap. She hit the silence button on the side of her cell phone to stop the annoying ringtone. Saved by the Bon Jovi. Now that's a new one, she thought. Eventually she was gonna have to tell him, but she was kind of relieved that it didn't have to be right then. Kestra had been preparing for this day for quite awhile, going over and over in her head what she was going to say to him, but there was always something stopping her. Something always seemed to get in the way. But eventually it was going to happen. It had to happen. He has to know what he did to me.

My One True Love.

There is someone for everyone.
Everyone has their one true love.
God has made a match for each of us.

I have heard each of these statements, or something along those same lines, many times. I'm sure most of you have. Have you ever noticed, though, the specific words they always use? There is someone, one true love, a match for each of us. One person. One love in our lifetime. Now what if this is actually true? Is there really one person, and only one, in this world who was made especially for us? It is a nice thought, but at the same time, it could be quite depressing.
Let's look at both sides of this. Fate: There is someone for everyone, and no matter what happens, the two will find eachother eventually. Chance: There is someone for everyone, but they have to work to find eachother, and there is always the possibility that they just never meet, or don't see the connection. The first one gives hope, saying that no matter what you do, you can't screw this up. The second one puts a little stress on the situation, as if to say "do screw up." So which is correct?
Example, there is a boy and a girl who live in the same town, are in the same grade, and go to the same school. They even go to the same youth group, but they don't know eachother. One day she is having car trouble, and he gives her a jump, thus making a new friendship. They start talking more, and eventually he asks her out. Fate.
New example, same boy, same girl. One day she is having car trouble, and he offers to give her a jump. She thanks him and says she'll wait till her friend gets out of class. He shrugs and goes on his way, and they never speak again. Chance.
I guess the question I am getting at is, is it possible to find true love, and let it walk on by without even noticing? What if the person you were destined to be with, wasn't the one you wanted? Or even, you loved them, but they didn't feel the same? What then? Or worse, what if you find true love, and screw it up? Do you get a second chance? I guess it's just something I've been pondering. And no one will really ever know the answer.

The Rope.

The hot sun beat down on them from the bright blue sky above. She kicked at a fire ant with her bare toes before picking up an old friend off the picnic table. It felt good to have it back in her hands, she had missed it. People around her were jumping around, having fun in the warm afternoon, but not her. Here she was, the white woven rope in her hands. This was it. She stepped to the end of the porch, silently watching the laughing children around her. It was like they were laughing at her. Putting an end of the rope in each hand, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath. She was going to do it this time, and nothing was going to stop her. She was going to show them. The rope was ready, all she had to do was jump. Well, she thought, here goes. She was finally going to do it. For the first time since elementary school, she was going to jump rope.

Gotcha.

Lost in Heaven's Abyss.

It was dark in the house, but her eyes had already adjusted, wearily recognizing every bump and imperfection in the textured ceiling above her. She stared blankly at it, amusing herself by finding pictures in the lines and dents, false images that her mind probably created for her in its tired boredom, but she really didn't care. A least it was something to do. That day was still on her mind, the memory of it snatching up any last hope of sleep. It had been so perfect, why did it have to end? It was a chilly day, at a movie she had already seen, but hse didn't care. Every moment was perfect. As she lay, she recreated the scene in her head, playing it over and over in infinite detail like a movie, its images being sprawled across the dark ceiling.
First, there was the piano. That voice that made her heart melt, singing its own creation. The clear notes of his melodies floated through the air around her, entertwining with the intricate piano arpeggios, making the single most beautiful sound she had ever heard. This was just a glimpse of heaven, a foreshaddow of what was to come that day.
They had soon left the house, and headed to the movie theater, arriving too early, of course, but neither minded much. They wat and joked and talked like old friends that they were, enjoying eachother's company, and taking advantage of the empty theater surrounding them. It wasn't long, though, until he did the totally unexpected, reached over and grabbed her hand. Her heart had stopped, briefly in a state of complete shock, only to resume again in what had to be a fantasy. She wanted to pinch herself, but would have been too cliche, so she took a deep breath and went with it, letting her entire body accept and enjoy that moment.
She had watched the movie in a dream, knowing that things couldn't be any more perfect, until the inevitable happened. He had been moving closer, she could feel his breath against her cheek, when she finally turned to look at him, their lips finally meeting in the kiss that she had been waiting for. It was a kiss that she never thought would come. She spent the rest of the movie in pure ecstasy, loving the feeling of his arms around her again. The warm touch of his hand on her bare arm sent chills through her entire body, making her want more of him against her. Feeling his breath on her neck, still savoring the taste of his sweet kiss, she knew this is what she had been missing. What she had been longing for all this time.
She snapped out of her daydream, and glanced around the dark room, wishing it had been real, that it had meant something. That all seemed so long ago. They had barely talked since then. Why did that all happen? Doesn't it mean anything? She wondered if he knew how she really felt, how perfect it had all seemed, how right. That was it, the reason she couldn't just forget him. She couldn't forget just how right it felt to be back in his arms. She wasn't stupid, though, she knew that all her wishing was pointless. He doesn't feel the same, she thought, watching the texture of the ceiling form his handsome face. No matter how hard I try, I can't make him think about me.

Starbucks Adventure - Part 2.

The non-date continued flawlessly, the talk coming as easily as it always did with the two of them. He was saying something about his ex, as she examined a blue-green hummingbird hovering right outside the window of the coffee shop, seemingly eavesdropping on all the juicy gossip. She wished that she could move the conversation towards something else, anything else, a topic far from his ex. It was just so depressing hearing this story again for the hundredth time.
"I just don't know..." he was continuing.
"I know it's hard, but I promise you'll find someone," she comforted, reaching out her hand to cover his on the table. He paused and looked down at her soft hand on top of his, smiled, then looked back up. This was the first time they'd touched this way. He let a smile play across his face.
"You know, you're right," he said. "I shouldn't dwell on it." He had never seen her in this way before. That was when he realized, the shy smile, the playing with her hair, and now touching his hand. She was flirting with him. And he liked it. How could he have been so blind to not notice this before? He glanced out the window past the still-hovering bird, his eyes resting on the grassy park down the street.
He looked back at her, "You wanna get out of here?"
"Sounds like a plan," she smiled, grabbing her purse off the windowsil and resting the strap back on her shoulder.
They slowly walked past the restaurants and shops on the street, heading towards the peaceful looking park in the distance. The walk was quiet, which was strange for them, but they were just happy with eachother's company, so they didn't much mind the silence. When they got to the park, he motioned towards an old, rusty-looking picnic table under a giant maple tree. She smiled and followed his lead over to the table.
"I love this place," she broke the silence, plopping herself down next to him on top of the table. "It's just so pretty!"
He didn't say anything, just kept staring at her. Watching her beautiful eyes take in their surroundings, their deep green matching the grassy field. He gently reached his pinkie toward her hand, leaving it to rest over her fingers. She looked up at him, met his eyes. She moved her hand a little under his, their fingers now entertwined haphazardly between them. A leaf caught the light breeze and floated down from the tree above them, drifted down between them and landed on the table, but neither seemed to notice. He broke his gaze from hers for a moment, looking at her mouth, those precious lips. Oh, how he longed to taste that kiss. He moved his gaze back to her deep, mysterious eyes, leaned slowly closer. She met him halfway, the two pausing in the middle, neither wanting to make the first move, but both anxiously waiting for it to happen. He stared into her eyes for one last moment, took a deep breath, and went for it. He pressed his lips against hers in a deeply passionate kiss. She hesitated for a moment, stiffening, but then gave into the pleasure, realizing that this was exactly what she'd been wanting. She wrapped her arms around his neck, one hand running through his hair, letting her body press fully against his. He lifted his strong hands to her waist, pulling her even closer. The kiss grew in intensity as the two gave into their desires. Moved his lips a bit lower to suck on her bottom lip, let his tongue gently trace her mouth, then went back to the kiss. It seemed to last forever, until he finally couldn't control himself anymore. He pulled away, this time letting his kiss wander. First to her cheek, then down her neck. She let his hot tongue caress her neck, thouroughly enjoying every minute of it. What in the world am I doing? she asked herself silently. He is my friend, nothing more. She wasn't sure how they had gotten here, or what would come of it. All she knew was that she didn't want it to stop. She wanted to stay right here in his arms, forever and ever.

Starbucks Adventure - Part 1.

"I love coffee," he shouted excitedly as they entered the quiet Starbucks. She giggled quietly, looking around at the numerous heads that had turned towards them upon their arrival.
"Maybe you don't need any coffee," she joked, putting her right hand on his arm to guide him towards the counter. He wasn't exactly a tall man, but at least a good six inches above her. Handsome and quirky, just like she liked them, but this wasn't like that. It wasn't exactly a "date," althought she kind of wished that it was. Realizing that she was staring, she quickly averted her eyes elsewhere. There was a colorful stack of giftcards arranged neatly in a cute little stand near the edge of the counter. She placed her hand on the edge of it, admiring all the different designs and colors. She rested her thumb on the end of one card, applying just enough pressure to gently lift it up out of the tray, then minutely moved her thumb away, letting it drop back in line with the others with a little "click." She heard laughter next to her and looked up to see that he was staring at her and smirking!
"What?" she smiled innocently, completely embarrassed that she'd been caught.
"You're cute, that's all," he responded, obviously enjoying the light reddish pink shade that her cheeks had turned. He was holding two drinks, extended one to her.
"You ordered for me?" she questioned. "How ambitious."
"Trust me." He offered the drink a second time, she took it, and took a cautious sip. She recognized the familiar flavor right away. It was the same thing that she always ordered. Exactly.
"How in the world..." she started.
"I have my ways," he smiled.
"Uh huh," she said, still staring at him, amazed, "I'm sure you do."
As they walked to an empty table, she couldn't help but stare. He just kept talking, like he always did, the mouth the never quits, and she just stared. Wow, she thought, still completely enthralled by the movement of his lips. Could I be falling for this guy?